There is nothing simpler in this world than a man getting a haircut. Although that is clearly the case, the estromen are trying to muck up yet another masculine truth. A fella should never, ever go to someone who lists their occupation as a "hair stylist." Hair stylists are great for 2 things: dating and doing women's hair, that's it. I'll take it one step further and say that a woman's hand shouldn't touch a man's head with the intent of removing or shaping his hair.
Men go to barbers. The ideal barber is an off the boat Italian gentleman who emigrated in the early 60's and was profoundly influenced by the styles of that time. Since old
school Italian barbers are a dying breed, the new crop of Georgians (Soviet, not hick) are the next best thing. You should choose the guy who is going to shave the back of your neck and around the ear based on his accent. If he has a firm grasp of English, get to steppin and find yourself an immigrant. Once you find him, don't get all lippy with the directions, he knows what to do and isn't going to pay attention to you anyway.
Under no circumstances should a man ever wash your hair for you-- that's creepy and should be done at home, not the place you are getting your hair cut. Ideally, you'll be the youngest client in the shop and some of the magazines laying around should be older than you. If Clubman Talc is on the shelf and Sinatra's on the radio, you know you're in the right place.
Now that you understand the who, it's time for the what. There are only 4 acceptable haircuts for a man...That's it; 4 and only 4. Anything else and you should pee sitting down.
THE YOUNG ELVIS
The classic "I know what's good" hairstyle. Every man should rock the Elvis, but not every guy can, due to time, patience and hairgrease restrictions. And let's face it, not everyone is cool enough to wear the hair crown on their head.
THE LUGOSI
Some call it the Dracula, some call it the Goodfella, some even call it the Valentino, but you can't go wrong with a classic slick back. It's user friendly (just comb backwards) and chicks have historically dug it.
THE GOLGO 13
If you insist on keeping your hair short and neat, at least do it with some style and grow your sideburns out. All I really know about Golgo 13 is that it was the hardest Nintendo game ever. Fortunately, the best blog ever: Gotham City Insider can tell you all you wanted to know about Golgo 13
THE SINEAD
A must for the man with thinning hair. Fuck the horseshoe, the comb over and the St. Anthony...shave that shit.
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4 comments:
Bravo!
So you think the Russians will replace the old world eyeTalians? I worry about that generation.
Often as I get my head carved I wonder who will be the new old barbers? It’s quite a frightening proposition.
Here's some shameless barber related linkage:
You haven't lived a single day until you've had a straight razor shave
Origin of the Barber Pole
The Big Event
I don't think the Russians will ever be quite the craftsmen as the old Italian barbers, in the same manner is that no other ethnic group can turn bricklaying and masonry into an artform, rather than a form of labor.
I remember driving around Staten Island once with a friend who at the time was working for his fathers construction company - go figure.
Anyway as we passed by some other construction site he goes "Look at that pour. Thats a nice pour."
They take that shit seriously. I'd never seen a guy look at a few Guatemalans watching concrete pour out of a truck with such passion before.
That dude now plays bass in The Budos Band. Good dude.
Amen Brother. I've worn the Sinead proudly now for a good ten years. Not a classic reb style, skinhead with extra long burns, but that's all I can bring to the table.
Oh, and my 'new' barbers are Ukranians having taken over from the retiring Guido.
Rich.
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