Missing Out

When I was a kid my parents insisted on eating dinner at 5PM while all the other kids would eat like normal Americans at 6. This would drive me crazy. I'd feel like I was missing all kinds of good shit, but in reality it was just another hour of stickball or vandalism. The notion of 'missing out' on something is used to coerce people into doing shit they wouldn't otherwise do, and I'm tired of hearing about it.

I had no intention of going to my senior prom, but the 'you'll regret it later' brigade got to me and I rented a tux, went in on a limo with Blackford and Coughlin, brought the best looking date (hands down) and had one of the worst nights of my life. Instead of playing at the Ft. Hamilton battle of the bands with Indecision, Chokehold (Queens) and a host of other notables, I was pretending to be rich whilst breaking up with a chick (the really hot one), eating rubber chicken, not dancing and paying over a grand for the displeasure.

I got married really young and everyone warned me about all the great things I would be missing out on. I really regret missing out on that desperate loneliness, trolling bars for any port in the storm and the painful realization that no one cares about me. Great stuff.

Fuck graduation ceremonies, Spring Break, New Years Eve, $80k weddings and especially having kids. I'm really OK with missing out on spending all my time and money on a kid that'll put me in a home one day, looking at me as nothing more than a breath away from their inheritance. You can keep that shit. We'll continue to live like the gays; not the get married and adopt a black kid domesticated gays of today, but the ones who travel the world, had a great time and disposable income.