I'm standing on the corner arm outstretched trying to hail a cab. Shortly, one pulls over; I climb into the backseat and announce my destination. To my horror I realize that the cabbie is an American born white guy; this ride is really going to suck. White cab drivers deserve a special place in hell. In all fairness this blog was an idea my lovely bride came up with but she writes for millions and on a good week I'll get a thousand readers if you pass me along enough, because she has much more fabulous things to do, I'll give you the business on white boy cabbies.
Him- Hey buddy, aren't you glad you didn't get picked up by a fucking terrorist?
Me- Yeah sure (the fact that my driver is American assures me that the putrid taxi armpit/dirty ass smell will not nauseate me for the course of my ride, forcing me to stick my head out the window and ruin the masterpiece that is my hair. American drivers of any race do not bring the funk, but some brothers have the oldies soul station on and that's the right kind of funky to start a night off.)
This is where it starts to get weird. He picked up a white guy (me) and now assumes that I am just dying to hear his regurgitated ignorant views on race, society and politics. I'm no great fan of practitioners of 'the religion of peace' but I have no interest debating that with a moron. Next thing it's monkeys and N-Bombs flying around and some anti-foreigner talk. At this point I switch into mind fuck mode.
I have one unique superpower. Within minutes of speaking with someone I can tell what their motivations are. I won't agree with him or give him what he wants, I'll switch the convo a little and inquire if the taxi medallion is his (the guy who owns the medallion makes the real loot, they cost up to 300k, the drivers make anywhere from $75-$200 a day.) It's never his and with a little more prodding it turns out that either an Indian or a Nigerian is the owner and money maker off of the cab he drives. I've subtly showed him that a dark skinned immigrant is in fact better than him. Go me.
Now comes the talk of discrimination against the white man, a personal favorite of mine. This guy probably was kicked out or dropped out of school, has sub-par intelligence and motivation, may or may not have had a decade long battle with substance abuse and a spotty employment record at best, yet this does not cloud his tremendous sense of entitlement. It's always somebody else's fault why he is where he is and can't catch a break. Dude, if some guy that was a goat herder a month ago in Sri Lanka or a machete wielding limb hacker in the Congo last week can do your job, you need to look in the mirror and realize that you are a loser despite having all the opportunity in the world to achieve more.
When all else fails it's the Jewish agenda that is keeping him behind the wheel of a cab and our soldiers in Iraq and any other ill in the world today.
I'm sorry if this blog comes off NY-centric, but I don't think it is. I'm sure that wherever you are there is some uneducated, unskilled white guy crying about immigrants stealing his job and how the sky is falling because things aren't like they were in the good old days; you know the ones that never really existed but managed to get Reagan elected.
Feel free to share your very own creepy white cabbie stories