So it's 70 degrees in November and I'm walking home with my $6 Chinese buffet lunch when I see something insane coming my way. Being that it's most likely the last warm day of the year, women are dying to slut it up one last time before their whore gear hibernates for winter. In the case of the girl walking towards me; it was all wrong. To call her tragically busty would be an understatement, yet for some reason she thought nothing wrong with wearing some sort of catsuit/ballerina top that she was literally (I'm using 'literally' correctly here) bursting out of.
I couldn't look away, but my stare was more "I wish I could fix you" fashion consultant pity than pervy leer. I just can't look away. Being so distracted by her baby feeders, I somehow missed the fact that she was missing an arm. She had 1 regular arm and then a nub. As soon as I saw the nub, I looked away. When I summoned the courage to look back, she was fast approaching and sneering at me. Fuck, she thinks I was checking her out and then got spooked by the nub, when I really was curiously appalled by her choice of clothing for her body type. She's shooting me the worst look ever.
What would Larry David do? L.D. would have to clarify and tell her the truth, leading to an uncomfortable, yet hilarious situation. Larry David is a comic genius and has millions upon millions in the bank because he makes people laugh. I put my head down and refuse to make eye contact.